One of the insights I have gained from sitting in rooms of super-smart and talented people talking about what holds them back is this counterintuitive, but universal finding. When I ask the question, did you ever feel like you were an imposter? Did you ever have doubts about your ability to do that big thing in front of you?
Everyone says yes. Everyone, from middle manager to senior leader, admits to feeling like an imposter at some point.
Even smart people feel it. Even talented people feel it. People you’d think would have no reason in the world to think they were frauds or otherwise less equal than others in this way.
The thing is, until I asked the question, I myself did not know how pervasive the problem was. And given how central the notion of “pain-free high performance” is to me, you’d think I would have made it my business to know that sooner.
But if even I didn’t know, how many others do not know that everyone else also struggles with a version of this? Why is that? We don’t ask (surely, it’s not polite). We don’t tell (we don’t want people to know we think we are the imposters – shameful secrets like that live best in the dark). I know. I lived with it for almost a decade before admitting it.
We assume that we are different, less than, and not up to snuff based on what we SEE. We SEE people getting on with it, seemingly emboldened to speak up, risk, or otherwise do that thing we despair is forever beyond us.
What we do not see is what they are saying to themselves, the doubts they have, the concerns that they, too, might not be up to the task.
In short, we judge ourselves by all of it – inside and out. We judge others by half of it. Their behaviours. The stuff we see.
Let’s say it together: everyone, sooner or later, feels like they don’t match up. Wonders if they have what it takes. Everyone, at some point, feels like an imposter.
Yeah, I know we can all think of the narcissists who claim to be the best ever and who would never admit to this idea. Imposter?! Not me! I invented ‘great!’ First, we can surmise that all that bluster is covering up for something, right? Second, narcissism is a classified personality disorder for a reason. A sign that something is not right, along with a list of criteria and preferred treatment options.
It’s almost as if…as if…feeling like an imposter now and again is, actually, a sign of mental health. An inevitable part of the journey from good to better.
What if, instead of calling it a “syndrome,” akin to a disability to be managed or a shameful secret to be buried, we called it the “imposter rite of passage?” The ticket to entry into the world of smart, talented people doing great things?
When it becomes normal – a developmental stepping stone to greatness – rather than a singular disease to be eradicated, that changes everything, I reckon.
I knew some athletes – young stars – who never doubted. These were the ones who were uncoachable. I’m already great, what can you teach me? None of them endured. It was more important to “go out great” than to press on, struggle, and learn.
The real progression, in my book, for the super-talented athlete, the intuitively smart medical student, or the gifted business consultant is to step up, question, doubt, and take the time to be curious, accept, and understand this progression from the inside out.
The most necessary step? Stop pathologizing that which is completely normal…and, as we have seen, universal. And see imposterism (no longer a syndrome!) as the rite of passage from good to great that it actually is. [And, while we’re at it, I’m taking suggestions for what else we can call it. Let’s really change this narrative!]
There may well still be work to do. Acceptance goes a long way, in many cases, to smoothing out the painful, shameful kinks of imposterism, and speeding its journey through us. But when it is pervasive across domains or time, or the suffering is high, it might be time to get some help.
What if feeling like an imposter isn’t proof you’re not ready—but proof you’ve finally found something worth growing into? What would you attempt this year if you accepted that feeling like an imposter isn’t the obstacle—it’s part of the journey.
