| As someone who prides herself in bringing everything she has into any presentation and who thinks embarrassment is overrated, I was bemused to hear just how far some of us go to avoid doing just that. During a recent discussion with a group of corporate executives, one individual, Frank (not his real name), shared that he never knows what to do with the work personality assessments his workplace has him take because he’s never sure who to “represent.” Huh? He explained that while he’s confident and outspoken at home, he actively suppresses that persona in the office in favour of a quieter, lower profile. The reason? The stakes are too high; the consequences of getting it wrong are huge. This comment struck me. It wasn’t about actual past reprimands or explicit feedback; it was about perceived risk embedded in the corporate culture. And so showing up “too” confident and being wrong? No way. Equally interesting were the diversity of views on this topic from others in the same organisation. In the room, understanding nods from others suggested that this idea of suppressing one’s real self at work was not an isolated opinion. But at lunch, where the conversation continued, other people disagreed. There’s no way I could suppress parts of myself at work. It would be too exhausting! Hide or shine? What’s the right path to take? Frank–and the people who agreed with him–are wary of organisational blow-back, and that concern is real. So there’s that. Until we feel safe enough to reveal more of ourselves, it can feel better to be cautious. And yet, we also explored the other side of it – what is our team missing when we shield parts of ourselves? As important, if we as leaders feel this way, you can bet we are missing parts of the people we lead. If we are truly interested in reaping the rewards of innovation, creativity, and engagement that authentic showing up might bring, maybe it’s time to consider something different, even if it is only on our team where we can shape a microculture of inclusion and safety. Interested in Being More Authentic at Work? If you are that individual interested in how to be “more you” and less guarded at work, or if you are that leader interested in cultivating more authentic openness, you are not alone. And, there are good research-based reasons to do this. First, the effort of masking who you are IS depleting and can negatively impact your performance. Second, people who reduce their relational threat (so to speak) by being more open and vulnerable build effective relationships faster. Finally, they talk about honesty being “disarming” for a reason: pitching yourself or your ideas with less bravado and more openness to your doubts or concerns can grease the wheels of negotiations. If the case against being fake is compelling, being authentic is a skill, not just a state of being. Like any other quality, it can be overdone and has been misused, even weaponised in the spirit of, hey, just being real here! You DO look fat in those pants! Wharton professor and organisational psychologist Adam Grant has two caveats that can help us wield our true natures more skilfully. – Status and competence count. If you are a respected leader or teammate, your authenticity is more likely to land, because people already trust you. For the person who was afraid to be seen as confident in the event they was proven wrong, a good first step could be to self-assess their own track record, and if in doubt about how their competence was perceived, ask others on the team. On the other hand, for people who haven’t yet proven themselves, being more open or divulging flaws can make them appear less competent and insecure. Grant points out, dishearteningly, that there’s a gender bias at work: when leaders make self-deprecating jokes, they’re judged as more capable if they’re men and less capable if they’re women. Men’s competence is typically taken more for granted, while — unfairly — women have to work harder to prove themselves at work. – Don’t be mindless. Or a jerk. Grant suggests that authenticity without empathy, as in having an understanding about how what you are about to say might land for others, is at best careless. And certainly not a performance enhancer. I once lost a job for this reason. A US university flew me in from Australia for an all-day interview, starting with breakfast meetings and lasting until almost dinner time. The job sponsor, a bubbly woman who was clearly passionate about her place of employment, was driving me back to the airport at the end the day. She turned to me and breathlessly asked about what the best part of the day was for me. Without thinking, I said that I loved the drive in to campus that morning…the scenery was just so peaceful. The woman’s crestfallen face said it all. I scrambled to recover, babbling on about the wonderful interviews and the possibilities posed by…(honestly, I can’t even remember what I said…as it was clear as day to me that I’d not only dissed the university but was now seen as not as excited by or invested in the very job I’d just spent the day proving myself for). Despite several attempts to reconnect once I was back home, I was ghosted from then on. In fairness…I was tired and completely jet-lagged. Turns out that skilful authenticity takes energy! In my next blog, it’s all about how organisations can build in the psychological safety needed to help encourage staff to (skillfully) bring more of their best selves…to work. In the meantime, I’d be curious to hear about your experiences with authenticity at work. Times you’ve seen it work well, when it fell flat, or when it did workplace harm. What’s your perspective on “bringing your whole self to work?” |
Is High Performance Broken?
December 10, 2025
