Welcome to the latest installment of How Dare She? The blog-turned-series I never realised I’d have to write. To see my first “How Dare She” instalment – a reaction to the 2026 Olympics – click here.
This is a composite piece made up of several stories I have heard since then. And tellingly, when I wrote those stories down verbatim, the female protagonists—to a person—asked that their identities be well and truly masked. Why?
The risk was too great. Careers were at risk. Fear of even more blowback and reputational damage. And the last thing I would want to do is expose these women to more of that.
So rather than telling the stories themselves, let’s talk about the predictable patterns that emerge when talented women beat men at their own game.
Step 1. The woman succeeds publicly and consistently at something previously only led, much less won, by men. So not a one-shot wonder but sustained success. Despite facing doubt and skepticism by the very system that put her in place.
Step 2. The woman succeeds by leading differently. Not through “command and control” — a phrase I heard repeatedly while writing this piece — but through building relationships, empowerment, accountability, and trust. She asks for input. She shares ownership. She refuses humiliation as a performance strategy.
This, my friends, is psychological safety at work. Note that it didn’t soften performance. It strengthened it.
Step 3. There is always resistance. At first. In one case, the athletes, used to being yelled at, yelled at their female coach for not yelling at them. In another, when a leader asked for her team’s opinion, the response? “You’re the leader. That’s your job!”
But guess what? After the shock of transition wore off, and with patient reinforcement, the team grew to love this different approach. And their leader. Not only that, performance improved. Consistently and over time.
You’d think this would please any system truly interested in performance.
Step 4. Performance metrics aside, the system becomes uncomfortable. This discomfort shows up in ways that range from baffling to infuriating. When more support is needed, there is resistance. Need more resources? The system hesitates, decides the woman doesn’t really know what she needs, and gives her something else. Need organisational backing because of wrong-doing from competitors? The system response: Let’s not make this bigger than it needs to be. Let’s move on. Let’s keep the peace.
Never mind the response from sectors of the social media public who incinerate both success (who are you to dare succeed? [at times in truly disturbing and personal terms we’d never use with mortal enemies]) and in response to any whiff of a falter. We told you this wouldn’t work, you [fill in your favourite scathing expletive here]!!!”
Step 5. The woman carries all the emotional cost of system discomfort. She has nowhere to go for support or mentoring, particularly from other women who have been there. And forget asking for help. It’s as if the system says, We gave you the chance. Isn’t that enough? And we wonder why more female leaders don’t stay the course. Or are burned out by it.
The Bottom Line
We say we want innovation in leadership. We say we want to see more women in sport’s highest management, more women in leadership positions.
That is, until she arrives. Looking different, using a different tone, and succeeding through relationship instead of domination. Then suddenly the system gets very interested in protecting itself.
The question is not whether women are capable of leading at the highest levels. That question has already been answered.
The real question is whether our systems are capable of tolerating, much less supporting leadership that challenges the status quo.
If any of this sounds familiar…
My takeaway message is, on the one hand, to never stop daring. Keep persisting. Keep doing what you love and are good at. And please don’t confuse system resistance with personal failure.
Equally, however, it’s also about taking care of yourself. These women, despite recognised success, were punished along the way. It is so important, in times like these, when this happens: (a) to not take it personally (it’s a system reaction, and not your fault), (b) to know you are not alone, and (c) to resist any urge to blame yourself for not doing things better. There will be a time for learning, but when the wounds are raw, this may well not be the time.
And get support. To that end, I would love to hear from you if any of these stories resonated. If you know someone who might be in a situation like this, please pass this on and put them in touch. You are certainly not alone and shouldn’t feel that way. The more we support each other, the stronger we will all be.
Reach out here if you are interested connecting and telling your story.
Alternatively, if learning more about how high-achieving women can navigate resistant systems, lead sustainably, and accelerate their careers without burning themselves out or becoming someone they’re not resonates, I’m excited to share a new online program designed specifically for women: Sustainable High Performance for Women in Professional Services.
This is a 6-month online program commencing 15 July 2026 for high-performing women who want to sustain their performance, increase their visibility, and build a career that actually works for them.
Join me for 6 x 90-minute content modules and 6 x 60-minute group coaching sessions.
Investment: $1,500 + GST per person (20% discount if you register before 15 June)
